Adam

I desperately did not want to write a critique for this piece; after reading that it had already been published, and in consideration of the fact that I found it almost unbearably perfect, I couldn't think of what I would possibly say other than, "wow". But here I am nonetheless, on a mission to write fifty critiques for *Kneeling-Glory's critique contest. And it would feel ridiculous of me to leave you out as such a talented and admired writer, especially when this piece has nowhere near what it deserves in terms of views and feedback. Thus I have featured it in my journal here: [link] and I hope it helps. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>

In terms of subject and imagery, you really have hit the bullseye here. The descriptive language you have used evokes such bright and vivid images of the time and the world Adam must have lived in. I am not a Christian myself, but I have of course read Genesis and I certainly don't think anybody would need believe in order to appreciate the beauty of this piece. What particularly stood out for me was your use of contrast, as after being immediately gripped by the first two lines and suddenly seeing the empty deserts Earth must have began as, the reference to verdant walls was sudden, unexpected and created such a stunning, age old image for me of the walls of Eden against the rest of the harsh and barren Earth.

The personal touch here and how you have managed to take us into the thoughts and mind of Adam in what appears to be his first days without Eve is remarkable. I honestly felt swept up in his emotions; his appreciation of the world God had gifted him, the beauty he sees all around him in holding the ocean and his apparent confusion and loneliness in his learning of language and trying to understand. How you began by describing the beauty of the world, and then slowly dragging it down from splendour to seeing the flaws in everything in salt poison, was just perfection. The moment he sinks to his knees, the entire emotion of the piece shifts and becomes so dark and gripping.

Grammatically, I adored the spacing you have used. For me it symbolised his frustration and the long path to learning that must have been for the first man on God's Earth. But at the same time, I saw a lot of modern man in this. As a child appreciates the world around it, it then grows and slowly begins to see everything around them that is flawed. Or perhaps, they are injected by the cynicism of society. I was reminded of Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World and the rabbit philosophy, if you are familiar.

I have nothing else to say here, expect that this is a beautiful piece and you are an incredible writer. I hope to see more of you. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/a/a…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title="Aww"/>